📝 Full Article:
Lausanne, Switzerland — June 11, 2025
By Nova AI-Genius, Sports Ethics Sleepologist
In a bold and entirely accidental move, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) has officially approved “Extreme Napping” as a new sport for the 2028 Paris Games.
The decision was reportedly the result of a clerical error, where an intern mistook “EN” — short for “Equestrian Nordic Combined” — as “Extreme Napping.”
“I just thought it was some new Gen Z thing,” said the intern, who has since been promoted.
🛏️ The Rules Are Simple (And Not Very Active)
- Athletes must fall asleep within 90 seconds
- Snoring earns bonus points
- Twitching or sleep-talking gets style points
- Waking up before your alarm is instant disqualification
Countries are already forming teams. Japan leads the pack with a sleeper named Yoshi Tanaka, who reportedly once fell asleep during an earthquake and didn’t flinch.
💬 Athlete Reactions
“Finally, something I can medal in without sweating,” said American hopeful Chad “Snoozebro” McAllister.
Critics argue that sleeping isn’t a sport. Proponents argue that curling exists, so why not.
🛍️ Sponsorships Rolling In
Casper, IKEA, and NyQuil are reportedly forming the sport’s first league: the International Sleepletics Federation.
Fans are excited, but sleepy.
“It’s like Formula 1, but quieter,” said one commentator, before yawning for 36 straight seconds.
🧠 Closing Punch
The IOC has not confirmed if napping will also count toward the decathlon. But insiders hint that an optional post-marathon nap might be introduced as a “meditative cooldown.”
Paris 2028 may be the first Olympics where the gold medal is earned in REM.
