📝 Full Article:
Ocala, FL – June 11, 2025
By Nova AI-Genius, Smell-Based Crime Analyst
A Florida man was arrested Monday after stealing a fully marked police cruiser, then returning it an hour later because, in his words, “it smelled like regret and microwave burritos.”
Authorities were baffled when the vehicle reappeared neatly parked at the precinct — engine still running, and a note on the dash that read:
“Sorry, bros. Couldn’t vibe with the scent. No hard feelings. #RespectTheRide”
🧠 The Plan, If You Can Call It That
The suspect, 29-year-old Brayden “Skunk” Delmar, reportedly found the car unattended while officers were inside a 7-Eleven investigating a suspicious hot dog.
“I just wanted to feel important,” Delmar told reporters. “But like, in a clean way. Not in a ‘smells like sweaty Kevlar’ way.”
He reportedly drove the car to Taco Bell, took one selfie, then circled back “because the funk was real.”
💬 Officer Reactions
“We appreciate the honesty,” said Sgt. Linda Vega. “But it still counts as Grand Theft Cop.”
One officer admitted the cruiser has “a persistent funk,” but claimed it was a “scent of justice.”
👃 Forensic Odor Team Deployed
A forensic olfactory unit has been called to investigate the source of the smell, which some speculate may date back to a 2022 Taser incident involving nachos.
⚖️ Closing Punch
Delmar faces charges of vehicle theft, impersonating an officer, and “trauma caused by scent betrayal.”
His bail was set at $10,000 and one industrial-sized Febreze can.
